


The F in friendship stands for Feelings

by Justme_herand_themoon



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Awkwardness, Crushes, Fluff, M/M, making my favs suffer against my will, this is so gay ??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:19:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justme_herand_themoon/pseuds/Justme_herand_themoon
Summary: Lee Taemin falls in love with his straight best friend, Kim Jongin, and suddenly everything is complicated; no one ever claimed love couldn't be painful.





	1. A knight and his prince(ss)

Taemin is gay. Taemin has been repeating that statement to himself over and over again in the mirror for the past ten minutes, but the meaning of the words just wouldn’t sink in. Or perhaps they already had, but he simply refused to acknowledge them, as that would mean he was finally facing the fact that he was in love with his best friend: Kim Jongin.

Every morning when he woke up to the sound of a continuous beep, he would sigh in relief; perhaps he had had the same nightmare about being chased through an endless hallway, maybe he hadn't dreamt anything at all but was simply happy to be awake. Most likely though, he had dreamt about Jongin and his perfect golden skin and contagious laughter again.

The two of them had been as close as close can be for as long as they could both remember, and when Taemin thinks about their relation, it seems inevitable that he were to fall for him eventually. Or actually, the more he's coming to terms with his newfound sexuality, he's starting to wonder if maybe he's been in love this entire time - he simply didn't know the feeling or the definition of it. Even now, as he stared at his own porcelain skin in the mirror, trapped in his own thoughts and insecurities, he still wasn't sure what love was; he had never dared to find out.

He looked over at the red numbers displayed on his alarm clock, which told him he had to leave the house soon unless he wanted to be late school. As of late, Taemin found it incredibly hard to leave his bed and get ready for the day ahead. Usually he looked forward to hanging out with his best friend and laughing in class together, but sadly, Jongin wasn't just his best friend anymore. Merely seeing him walk down the hallway with a smile planted on his face made Taemin's heart sink.  _ He was a fool if he thought he could ever have him. _

His mom mentioned something about him not having any breakfast as he walked out the door, but he barely registered it. Even if he ate his body felt empty, so what was the point? The books in his bag felt heavy, but his heart was even heavier - pulling him down and forcing his eyes to the grey cement beneath him. He managed to kick a small stone the entire way from his house to the school, and while that might have been a great achievement for a child, Taemin was sixteen now - a proper achievement would be going on a date with hot Jessica from his class or get recruited for the school football team.

The first thing would be no problem for him - Taemin was actually quite handsome and caught the eyes of many girls at the school. Or perhaps handsome wasn't the correct word - he was beautiful. His thin frame and womanly bearing worked perfectly with his feminine features and cute smile. While most girls preferred the rugged, manly style, a good handful actually loved his androgynous look. He didn't really mind all the attention, the only problem was that  _ it was all coming from girls. _

He didn't stand a chance on the football team with his physique though, but he was quite content with being Jongin's personal cheerleader on the sidelines anyway. Jongin had always been very fit and incredibly good at sports - just one of the many things Taemin adored about him. Sadly, many girls had the same thought, and gathered to scream his name at every game, making sure to each offer a fresh towel when he came off the field all sweaty and dirty - he always chose the one Taemin had brought though.

The school was already filled with life and various students walking to their respective classrooms, books in hand. At that moment Taemin wanted nothing more than to become invisible or at the very least get through the day without a certain someone finding him. But soon enough his wishes were crushed. As he was picking up some books from his locker, he heard someone slowly approaching him. Bracing himself for whatever was to come, Taemin practically shoved his entire head into his locker, hoping he could pretend he was looking for something, when in reality he couldn't bear to look his friend in the eyes.

''Good morning, Tae..''

Sure enough, the voice belonged to Jongin, but something was off about his tone; a mixture of disappointment and sadness lingered behind his words.

 

''Good morning..'' He mumbled into his books.

Jongin was leaned up against the locker next to Taemin's, and was standing so close that Tae could practically feel the heat that radiated from his body.  _ It was driving him nuts. _

''You, uhm, wasn't there at my match yesterday - I missed my cheerleader''

His voice was so sincere that Taemin instantly wanted to wrap him in a big hug and apologize, but sadly that wasn't an option. And he wasn't about to look his best friend in the eyes as he told him a direct, and very uncreative, lie.

''Sorry, I was busy with the math homework for today and I couldn't make it-''

The next thing he said probably came out a little more aggressive than it should have, but his emotions got the best of him, much to his dismay.

''-don't you have like a billion other cheerleaders anyway? What do you need me for''

Although Jongin was hurt by his words, he knew his friend well enough to know that when he was being like this, it was most likely something else bothering him. He stepped even closer and carefully removed Taemin's head from its hiding place, lovingly caressing his cheek and offering him a sweet smile. If there was something to turn Tae's knees weak, it was Jongin's smile - it always lit up his face and practically made his handsome features glow. It took all of his self control to force himself to move his face away from the others hand, denying his loving gesture. Jongin blinked a few times in confusion at the reaction he was getting. He looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to them, and then lowered his voice, making sure only those two could hear.

''Hey, I get if you don't want to talk about what's bothering you here, we can always talk later at my place?''

Like lighting from a blue sky, Tae slammed his locker shut, causing the other to jump in place.

''Nothing's wrong Jongin..I'm sorry I couldn't be there at your match but I sure hope you'll learn to live without me by your side constantly'' Had his sarcasm been any stronger it could probably have been cut with a knife, and it was safe to say, it only made the other boy even more confused.

It's not that Taemin didn't want to be around his friend all the time, actually, he wanted nothing more than to spend all his time with him - laughing, playing around, watching movies,  _ holding hands, perhaps even kissi-  _ no he was letting his mind wander again.

This entire thing was still very new to Taemin, but in his mind he currently only had two options: Avoid and ignore his best friend in the entire world until he found a way to repress his feelings, or come clean and hope Jongin wouldn't be so repulsed that he never dared look at him again. None of the options seemed  _ good  _ but at least the first one was slightly easier to pull off than the second. And so he walked down the hallway alone, leaving a very flustered and sad Jongin behind.

Anyone that knew Kim Jongin even just a little bit knew that he wasn't the type to just be knocked down. So when he walked into the classroom, a few minutes later than Tae, he could have chosen the conflict free solution of sitting alone in the back, or he could refuse rejection and sit next to his friend like usual. Placing his bag on the ground, he swore he saw Tae in the corner of his eye moving his chair away from his ever so slightly. No words were exchanged when he sat down and soon enough the teacher walked in and so class continued like usual - completely unaware of the cloud of awkwardness that hung above the pair. 

 

At some point during the class, Taemin was disturbed in the middle of a rather frustrating math problem when a piece of folded paper was, not so discreetly, slid across the table to his side. He looked up and sent a dark glare resembling that of their classmate Do Kyungsoo, but he simply got an innocent smile in return. With a defeated sigh he unfolded the paper and read its contents.

_ ‘Something's bothering you and sadly I'm not a mindreader (wouldn't that be cool though?), so you'll have to tell me. Ice cream after school?’ _

And just like they were back in kindergarden he had even added three boxes he could check: yes, definitely or all of the above.

Taemin couldn't help but crack the smallest smile at his friends silliness, but managed to wipe it off as soon as he felt eyes on him. He hovered the pencil above the paper for a while before, reluctantly, putting an x in the ''yes'' box. Sliding the paper back to its sender he whispered something, hoping the teacher wouldn't hear: ''God, how can I say no to you?''

With a sly wink the reply came: ''you can't''

 

The rest of the day passed by seemingly normal, except for the fact that it was agonizingly slow - at least in Taemin's mind it was. Throughout the day he discovered that completely avoiding Jongin would only make him want to be around him even more, and that Jongin apparently didn't plan on leaving him alone that easy. They sat together at lunch like usual, Jongin offering him some of his food after hearing that he hadn't eaten breakfast. Then he began a long lecture on the importance of eating right, but Tae barely heard any of it as he was distracted by the sudden butterflies in his stomach. His hand accidentally touched Jongin's forearm as he reached out for his fork, and then he was in a panicked rush to hurry away to the - well - anywhere but next to his friend with  _ unnaturally  _ soft skin. Yet again, Jongin was left baffled and confused.

 

Tae hurried off to the bathroom to splash cold water in his face. He was amazed at the fact that merely realizing his feelings was enough to make Jongin poisonous to him. All throughout their friendship they had loved touching, hugging, even the occasional kiss on the cheek when they were younger, but now it was all different. Taemin felt almost dirty when he even just touched the other, and he felt he did something wrong, because the way he touched him now was not with the same intentions as before - and that wasn't fair to Jongin. 

 

Looking at himself in the mirror he tried to regain his sanity before the school bell rang, signaling the beginning of his last two classes.  A few people walked in and out to use the stalls, and for a moment he contemplated walking into one himself to be alone and let his tears fall if he so pleased it. It wouldn't be the first time he had run off to the bathroom to cry - for various different reasons. The truth was that, for a great deal of years, Taemin had been bullied ruthlessly by the other boys in the school because of his feminine way of looking and acting. It wasn't until Jongin had grown into a rather muscular and -  _ if people didn't know he was simply acting _ \- threatening man, that the bullies backed off. At that time his best friend had also become his bodyguard; his knight in shining armor.

 

At the end of the school day, Tae and Jongin had agreed to meet by the bike rack in the parking lot, so they could walk to the ice cream shop together. Tae was met by a big smile as he walked towards his friend, and the sight made his heart flutter.

''It's been a while, I was starting to think you wouldn't show up'' He was clearly joking, but it was still as if there was a hint of genuine worry to his tone.

''I'm sorry, Ms. Wallace wanted to talk to me about my essay and she never stopped talking'' Tae rolled his eyes and started flapping his hand in an attempt to imitate Ms. Wallace's running mouth. The two boys laughed together for a while before Tae took the first step in the direction of the shop. He didn't go far though, as something pulled on his backpack, keeping him from moving. He looked back to see the other boy shaking his head and patting the back of his bicycle.

''The walk is too long, just sit on the back and we'll ride together''

This wasn't an unusual request, they had done it many times before, but like so many other things, this activity had also been ruined inside Taemin's mind. Seeing the doubt in his friend's eyes, Jongin left no room for thinking and grabbed the other's wrist, pulling him down on his bicycle before climbing on it himself. When it became clear that Tae had no other intention than sitting there, stiff as a board, Jongin reached behind him and wrapped porcelain arms around his own waist for safety. Taemin didn't object, but when he felt Jongin's defined abs through his shirt he swallowed a lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. The two of them had sleepovers a lot, so Taemin knew very well that under all those clothes, his friend had a stupendous resemblance to a greek statue - he was goddamned perfect and Tae couldn't handle it. One night Taemin couldn't even fall asleep because Jongin had insisted on sleeping topless due to the heat; it had been an endless game of ''to look or not to look?''. One which he inevitably lost. 

After what had seemed like an endless ride they finally reached the ice cream shop and Taemin jumped off the bicycle with an exaggerated sigh.

''When you get your driver's license I am NOT getting in a car with you if you drive the way you just did''

Jongin let out a full laugh and playfully hit the other's shoulder.

''You know I usually drive better than that, I was just seeing if perhaps I could shake the sadness out of you''

Taemin corrected his hair using the camera on his phone and ironically scoffed at the other's comment - it was cute that he at least tried, even though he had no clue what the problem was. Oh right, that was a thing too, he had to actually tell him the problem. Taemin had completely forgotten why they were getting ice cream in the first place, and he had to come up with a way out of it fast. Lying wasn't Tae's speciality, and to be quite honest he hated it and avoided it at all costs, but sadly it was sometimes necessary for the best outcome.

As they walked inside and placed their usual order, Taemin racked his brain for a fake-problem he could tell to Jongin in a convincing way without making it sound too bad. If he made it too dramatic, he would never get the other to let it go. Jongin paid for both ice creams like usual. Taemin always offered to pay for himself, but every time the other simply waved it off like it wasn't up for discussion, so eventually he had to admit defeat and let his friend spoil him. It had been awhile since both of them had been there together actually; the last time was four months ago, when Taemin still had his long, girly hair. As his strawberry ice cream was handed to him a light turned on above his head; his feminine appearance would be his fake problem.

They sat down in a secluded, comfy booth furthest away from the entrance and the counter to be alone. Jongin immediately threw himself over his dessert, almost forgetting why he had dragged his friend all the way over there. Taemin rested his chin in his hand as he admired his friend - he didn't even notice that a small smile was growing on his face. His friend's deep brown eyes met his as he finally stopped eating.

''Do I have ice cream on my face?'' Jongin asked.

Taemin snapped out of his dreamy state and moved his hand so fast that he almost crashed his face straight into the table.

''N-no, I don't- ''

He was interrupted in the middle of his rambling when his friend quickly leaned across the table and smeared some of his chocolate ice cream on Taemin's nose with a playful smirk.

''Then why were you smiling like that?'' Jongin couldn't hold back his laughter when Tae pulled that face he always did when he was dumbfounded. He loved that face, he always had and probably always would. He resembled a cute puppy that had just fallen over its own legs when he was astonished, and that face was the reason that Jongin had a habit of teasing his friend so much. Taemin's mind was working on full speed to find an excuse for blatantly staring at his friend, but luckily he didn't need an explanation, because after a while the other stopped laughing and handed him a napkin instead.

''I'm sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood before you tell me what's bothering you..''

Taemin wiped the sticky food off his face and folded the napkin, tightly wrapping his fist around it out of nervousness. He was about to lie to his best friend yet again, and nothing in the entire world hurt him more than having to do that. Jongin's eyes were wide, expectantly waiting for the other to start talking.

''Well...you see...you must have noticed that for a boy, I'm very...feminine''

Jongin lifted his eyebrows in surprise at the other's statement - it clearly wasn't that sort of problem he was anticipating.

''Uhm, I-yes, i've noticed - I hope you don't think I see you as any less of a man though''

It was obvious that he wasn't sure on how to respond which caused him to fumble with his words. Taemin found it endearing that his friend cared so much about his feelings - one of the perks of knowing each other since childhood, was that they both knew all the other's insecurities so they were able to tread lightly when discussing sore topics. Taemin's sore topic was him being bullied because of his appearance.  _ Although as of late it was his blooming love for someone forbidden, but he wouldn't dare to discuss that with anyone.  _ If Taemin's subject was a sore one, Jongin's was an excruciating in comparison, which is why they almost  _ never  _ talked about it.

''I know you don't think like those bullies Jongin, you've always respected me no matter how i've looked or acted'' Taemin's lips curled up into a smile and Jongin mirrored his action.

''I honestly don't understand why people have a problem with it. Remember when you had the long hair? I thought it looked great - especially when you put it up into a ponytail''

And Taemin did remember. It was four months since he decided to cut it because of the many opportunities it gave his bullies to pick on him. He remembered crying when he asked Jongin to take him to the hairdresser and he remembered the deep fire that burned in his friend's eyes, because Jongin  _ loved  _ that hair and he  _ hated  _ not being able to protect Taemin from the disgusting people at school.

In the beginning it had been great, and Taemin had thoroughly enjoyed Jongin absentmindedly running his fingers through his soft hair whenever they watched a movie as well as watching the glint he got in his eyes whenever he tied up his hair. But one day it all got thrown away when a group of his bullies stopped just making rude comments and did something so foul that it instantly made Jongin’s blood boil, when Taemin told him with tears streaming down his face.

The day had been seemingly quiet right until the two split up - Jongin headed for his locker and Taemin for the bathroom. Just as he entered the men's bathroom he was met by his three worst bullies who were waiting for him. Taemin froze in place and deeply hoped it was just a coincidence, but of course he wasn't that lucky. He took a step toward one of the stalls, but his path was blocked and before he could run, he was surrounded. ''Can you believe it guys? This girl must've gotten lost on her way to the  _ women's  _ bathroom'' the largest one said. The others started laughing and the sound sent a shiver down Taemin's spine. He tried to back away but bumped right into the chest of the bully behind him. It was no secret that Tae wasn't exactly the strongest of the bunch, so when two of them grabbed his arms he didn't struggle - he knew it would be useless. The leader pulled something up from his pocket, which Taemin quickly recognised as a lipstick. This time he tried to wriggle free and move his face away to avoid the makeup that was being applied to him. ''If you move your face your lipstick will just get crooked, we don't want that, now do we, sweetie?'' he had said with a shit-eating grin.

When they were done with their work they finally let him go, yelling ''don't walk into the wrong bathroom again honey!'' after him.

The memory made Taemin rather uncomfortable as he poked his half-eaten and now melted ice cream. Jongin grew more and more worried as he saw his friend disappear deeper into himself. He carefully placed his warm hand on Tae's forearm which made him look up.

''Tae-'' Jongin whispered ''-I'm sorry I couldn't save you back then''

Taemin forced a smile on his face. He suddenly wished he had chosen a fake problem that felt less real and didn't hurt him as much.

''You shouldn't have to save me every time, I should be able to take care of myself so you wouldn't have to escort me around all the time - It's not fair for you that you have to be my bodyguard''

Before he even got to finish the sentence, Jongin had stood up and walked to the other side of the booth to sit next to Taemin and wrap him in a tight hug. His voice was muffled by Taemin's shoulder but it was almost painfully sincere.

''I don't have a choice Taemin - if you're hurt, I'm hurt''

Taemin was about to answer but was interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. He heard a silent ''ah fuck'' coming from his friend before he lifted his head and pulled his phone out of his pocket. ''Sorry'' he said before looking at the caller ID that displayed the word ''mom''. Suddenly he jumped up, slight panic in his eyes and scrambled to collect all his stuff.

''I'm so so so sorry, I completely forgot I was supposed to go with my mom to visit my grandmother today - I'll drive you home first, don't worry''

Taemin wished he could have kept his friend's company, especially now that his past gnawed at him and his feelings overflowed, but of course he couldn't let that show.

''It's okay, you hurry home, I'll just walk - I need some fresh air anyway'' He tried hiding the disappointment in his voice behind a smile, but the other saw right through him.  Why Jongin did the next thing he did was beyond him; maybe it was his own strange attempt at apologizing for leaving, or perhaps it was to calm him. He didn't know, but regardless of that he leaned in and planted a loving kiss on Taemin's forehead before leaving the shop.

This time it was Taemin who was left behind, baffled and confused.


	2. Beasts and Beautiful girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Angst City  
> Population: Taemin

Disaster struck on a Monday. As if it was the end of the world, the metaphorical comet blasting directly towards Taemin's frail heart came in the form of a beautiful girl named Allison. The entire world began to fall apart and set ablaze around him as soon as his eyes fell upon the sight of Allison intertwining her fingers with Jongin's. The pair was walking down the hall, hand in hand, and the girl was giggling - presumably because of something the other had said. Taemin felt his heart break into a million pieces as he began fighting the tears that were close to spilling out;  _ what little hope he had had was dragged away by the rain outside.  _ Oh, how he wished he could trade places with that girl; how he wished he could confidently walk down the hall, while feeling Jongin’s velvety skin against his own. 

 

The ground started shaking with every step they took, and the flames rose higher until they fully consumed him, enveloping his heart in the blaze. His laugh and her giggle rang in his ears like fire siren and drowned out the voices of the other students. Normally Jongin’s laugh was enough to clear even the coldest storm, but perhaps there was a reason the skies were grey today.

He had no idea what had happened over the weekend, but it must have happened fast, seeing as Jongin had never mentioned a girl entering his life. And not just a girl apparently:  _ a girlfriend.  _ Before Taemin completely broke down, he began coming up with the most far fetched theories his desperate mind could create. Maybe it was just a cousin that was visiting - one he was very close with - or maybe he was being forced to date against his will to please his parents. None of his theories seemed to be true, but at least they kept his tears at bay. Taemin might have been desperate, but he wasn't stupid - when he saw the expression on the girl's face as she laid eyes on Jongin, the situation became very clear. But no matter how clear it was, he refused to believe it. 

After their meeting at the ice cream shop last Friday, Taemin had sworn to never wash his forehead again. He had relived the moments Jongin's soft lips had grazed his skin over and over in his head, and for the longest time he simply sat there, processing what had happened. He hadn't asked Jongin why he did it, because he knew that it was probably just a friendly gesture and that asking would make it awkward. What Tae didn't know though, was that the other boy had had the same question running through his mind when he left, and in the car with his mom and in bed at night, when he couldn't fall asleep.

Shoving his head inside his locker once again, Taemin tried ignoring the world around him, hoping it would stop collapsing and simply disappear along with him instead. Ever since he was little he had used the ostrich method of covering his head to get out of uncomfortable situations, but he couldn't remember a time it had actually worked. His parents had let him be invisible for a while, but always ended up stating that they could still see him. Unfortunately, getting rid of his problems turned out to be more difficult than he thought.  _ Especially when the problem walked right up to him.  _

''Taemin?'' an innocent, girly voice asked behind him. Taemin looked out from his locker and was immediately met with the sight of a cheerful girl, whose bright eyes and wide smile taunted him with their happiness. She was pretty, Tae admitted, with her shoulder-length auburn hair and amber eyes. Her smile and innocence seemed so sincere that Taemin couldn't bring himself to hate her, yet the jealousy in his eyes still burned brightly. He fully removed himself from his hideout and took a good look at the disaster in front of him; never had he thought misfortune would be wearing a school uniform. Taemin wasn't exactly one of the tall boys at the school, but he was still taller than Allison. That somehow didn't stop him from stretching his spine in an attempt to tower above her, like that’d somehow show his dominance. 

Jongin stepped besides the girl with a smile matching hers and hesitantly put a hand on the small of her back. She enthusiastically put her hand forward and waited for Taemin to shake it, which he reluctantly did after a few awkward seconds of staring.

''It's so nice to meet you - I'm Allison! Jongin has told me so much about you!'' she beamed. Tae forced a friendly smile onto his face and cleared his throat before answering - sending a glare in Jongin's direction.

''I'm Taemin -  _ supposedly _ Jongin's best friends, which is why I find it odd that I haven't heard  _ anything  _ about you'' he muttered bitterly.

Jongin's eyes widened at the statement and he was quick to kick Taemin’s shin as a hint to stop talking. Tae found himself having to bite down on his cheek to stop more rude,  _ but true,  _ comments from spilling. Instead he transferred all his indecencies into his look and hoped Jongin could translate them himself. Having known each other for a long enough time, Jongin knew  _ exactly  _ what the other boy was telling him through his eyes. He knew that the angry glimmer was screaming ‘’betrayal!’’ and that the dark shadow whispered ‘’disappointment’’. Both of them got ripped out of their non verbal conversation, when Allison cleared her throat and let out an awkward laugh. 

 

‘’Well, we did get together quite recently’’ she laughed, but her words weren’t heard by either of them. The two of them were mentally secluded from the outside world - arguing in their own little bubble. Suddenly Jongin grabbed Taemin’s wrist and started walking away with hasty steps, after apologizing profoundly to Allison for both of their behaviours. 

 

Jongin's grip around the other boys wrist was soft yet firm as he dragged him down the hall and into a storage locker, not caring about the many protests that left Taemin's mouth. The room was barely large enough to hold the many cleaning supplies that were stored there, which meant that the two were practically pressed up against each other inside the dank room. A dim light hung from the ceiling, barely lighting up the their surroundings. Jongin finally released his grip of Taemin’s wrist and let his arm fall to his side.

''Why'd you have to say that to Allison?'' he sighed, like he had been holding his breath the entire walk. His tone was filled with worry, but whether it was worry for Allison or Taemin was hard to decipher. Taemin tried backing away from the confrontation, which resulted in him crashing into a shelf, nearly knocking over a bunch of toilet paper. Yet again his wrist was grabbed and he was pulled back against Jongin's chest -  _ a little closer than last time  _ \- to prevent him from destroying the entire room and burying them in soap and paper. The room fell silent, except for Tae's ragged breathing and the flickering lightbulb above them. The two were standing so close that one could feel the others heartbeat, and Taemin was hoping that Jongin hadn't noticed how fast his had suddenly become.

''I-'' he paused to swallow a lump in his throat ''-just find it odd that you suddenly get a girlfriend from one day to the other. I thought we shared everything''

Jongin leaned his forehead against the others with a deep sigh. The sadness and sincerity in Tae's voice cut through his heart like a knife, and he desperately wished he knew how to make his friend happy again. Seeing as words weren't his strong suit, he pulled his friend into a tight hug instead and embraced him until he dared to speak. Taemin enjoyed the warmth and familiar scent that filled his senses and he wished that they could stay like that forever. A storage locker wasn’t ideal, but at least they were cut off from the world, comforted by each other's presence. Still wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy, Jongin moved his face up to Tae's ear. As he spoke, his breath sent a shiver through Taemin's body.

''It all happened so fast and I’m sorry, I truly am, but it’s not like you aren’t to blame too'' 

 

Taemin moved his face back to look at the other and sent him a questioning look.

 

‘’What’s that supposed to mean?’’ he asked, his voice full of confusion.

 

Jongin broke the hug, much to Taemin’s dismay, and started to nervously rub his arm, almost as if he didn’t dare to say what he was about to.

 

‘’Well, I feel like you’ve been ignoring me the past couple of weeks - avoiding me even - so I thought maybe..you were distancing myself from me’’

 

It sounded as if he was on the verge of tears, and if Taemin hadn’t quickly stopped himself, he would’ve blurted out his true reason for distancing himself, just to see his friend smile again. He would’ve spilled his feelings and anxieties as if he was writing a cheesy love letter, but instead he chose to re enter their embrace and opened his mouth, getting ready to mutter an apology. Before had a chance to say anything, the light from the hallway revealed their position when the door to the supply closet was flung open. As if Taemin's body had been on fire, Jongin flung himself away from him, crashing into the shelves and brooms behind him. His clash resulted in various cleaning supplies and paper falling down on top of them both in a big mess. The person that had triggered the event gasped in shock, but they couldn't see who it was, as they were too busy digging themselves out of the supply-avalanche.

“Jongin! Are you okay!” a girly voice exclaimed.

_ Ah, the figure was Allison. Of course it was.  _ Taemin felt the sting of rejection deep in his heart this time. Tears finally started to well up in his eyes as he thought about how Jongin had been so desperate to escape their hug in fear of  _ what?  _ Getting caught? Being misunderstood? He didn't know, but he absolutely wasn't about to ask. As Allison rushed to Jongin's side to help him clean up, Taemin dusted off his uniform and rushed away from the scene, not letting his friend see the hurt he had caused.

And that's how Taemin found himself crying in a bathroom stall once again. His protector had suddenly become the thing he needed to be protected from. His knight in shining armor had become the beast he feared. He  _ loved  _ Jongin, and not being able to be with him felt as painful as a thousand daggers buried in his back. Even worse was the fact that not only couldn't  _ he _ get him, but  _ someone else _ could. He had to watch from afar as Allison would eventually do all the stuff Taemin dreamed to do every single day; hugging, laughing, kissing,  _ loving.  _ All his hope shriveled and fell from his heart like an autumn leaf, as he imagined a future where he would eventually be pushed away and be completely alone. It would only be so long before Jallison - the sickening couples name he had given them - would be tired of him third-wheeling and kick him to the curb.

A few people entered and left the bathroom, but he didn't care if they heard him crying, his day couldn't get worse anyway. Suddenly his phone chimed in his pocket, but as soon as he saw who the text was from, he began crying all over again. His tears made the screen blurry, but he managed to read the message:

Jongin <3 8:22 Mon

_ Where are you? Please Taemin, don't do this to me... _

Taemin was stuck between revealing his location to apologize and dropping his phone in the toilet, flushing it and Jongin's words into the sewer. As a middle ground he decided to put it back into his pocket, without replying. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop his tears from spilling, and he was so focused on wiping his eyes that he barely registered a group of people entering the bathroom with heavy steps. One of the people laughed at some pervy joke the other had told, and the sound was one that Taemin immediately recognised.  _ How could he forget the sound that matched the shit-eating grin of his worst bully.  _ In panic, he quickly slapped his hands across his mouth to muffle his sobs - suddenly he was  _ terrified  _ of being heard. He pulled up his knees to his chest so his feet couldn't be seen and waited for the group to leave, hoping it would be soon. He counted the voices; one, two, three; Sam, Chase, David. They were all there, which made his heart beat twice as fast.

Now he desperately wished he had written his location to Jongin anyway, so his knight could save him as he always did. But as Taemin thought about it, a question sprung to his mind: would Jongin even choose leave Allison's side to rush to his? The thought made his heart sink and, tragically, made a sob escape his lips. Suddenly the voices outside of his stalls briefly fell silent before one of them, the leader, spoke.

''Well, well, well guys, it looks like little girls forget the warnings you give them'' he said wittily. The sound of footsteps moved closer to the stall Taemin was hiding in, and before he knew it, his hideout began shaking violently as his bullies tried forcing the door open. He jumped up and pushed back on the door to keep them from getting in, but like always, his thin frame didn't contain enough strength and wasn't able to win over three other boys. After a while they managed to pry open the door and violently drag Taemin out, tears still staining his face, before dropping him on the cold floor. All three boys stood around him and leered down on the shaking body before them. One of them poked him with his foot to provoke him into fighting back, making it more fun for them, but Taemin simply curled up into a ball and waited for it all to be over. Maybe it wasn't so bad trading in emotional pain for physical pain, he thought; at least wounds and gashes would heal.

''You might have cut your hair, but the weeping still gives away what you really are,  _ sissy _ '' one of them joked.

''Leave me alone..'' Taemin muttered into the floor and curled tighter around himself. ''What was that?-'' the biggest asked, before dragging him up by the wrist and grabbing tightly around his jaw to force their eyes to meet ''-If you wanted us to leave you alone, maybe you shouldn't keep wandering into the men's bathroom''. Tae's legs felt like jelly and when he caught a quick glimpse of himself in the mirror he realised how big of a mess he looked: tears staining his now puffy face, messy hair and his tie gone awry. Neither his looks nor the names they called him mattered; he felt numb to the core. Their words and violence didn't hurt nearly as much as the emotional pain his love had caused him, so if breaking his mind and body was what they set out to do, he wasn't going to stop them.

Sam grabbed Taemin's tie and yanked it downwards. His neck felt like it was going to snap, he staggered forward a few steps to avoid falling, then glared up at them. ''Let go,'' he pleaded. ''Let go,'' Chase mimicked in a mocking tone. They all laughed before Sam forced Taemin up against the sink, dragging him by the tie like a dog on a leash. The water was turned on and before Tae had a chance to process what was happening, his face was under the tap, and oxygen was replaced with freezing water. They continued laughing but their voices soon drowned out just as their were doing to him. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and instantly thought it must be Jongin trying to reach him again _. Oh how he needed him right now.  _ David confirmed that suspicion when he reached into his pocket to retrieve the phone, smirking at what he saw.

''I think your  _ boyfriend _ misses you, Nancy Boy!'' he laughed, to which the others let out a teasing ''aww''.

 

_ Boyfriend.  _ That word hit Taemin like a slap to the face. It was a word he spent countless hours dreaming about, and to him it was filled with love and admiration. To him it was a title he wished to bear in the future, but to them it was like cussing. The word was filthy, perverted even, because just the thought of two boys loving each other was a reason for them to bully. Tears continued running down his cheeks, but they mixed with the water and got flushed down the drain with it. Suddenly their laughing stopped and Taemin was dragged away from the sink, only to be pushed back onto the floor. Through his tears he saw the figure that had entered the bathroom unnoticed, standing tall with an angry,  _ no furious,  _ aura surrounding him.  _ His hero. _

''Hey!-'' Jongin thundered ''-get away from him! Now!'' His voice echoed through the room, making it louder and all the more aggressive.

He took a step closer to the bullies and puffed himself up in an attempt to look intimidating. It was all an act, he could never hurt anyone, even those who deserved it; luckily only Taemin knew that. The others fell for it - tried acting like they didn't care and wasn’t intimidated, but eventually all left the bathroom anyway. Taemin knew he must have looked like a mess from Jongin's point of view; shirt dirty from the ground, tie almost yanked off of him, tears running from reddened eyes and wet hair from the sink. He didn't want to be seen like this - he didn't want to be seen at all. He tried hiding his face in his shoulder, but his friend wouldn't let him. He got down on his knees and lifted the other boy’s face, caressing his cheeks in the process. Tae dared to look into his dark eyes for just a second, but that was enough to see the hurt and anger that glimmered in them.

''I’m sorry-'' he whispered, his voice breaking mid sentence as a tear escaped his eye ''-I’m sorry I wasn't there to stop them in time''

Tae tried to chuckle but ended up coughing instead, his lungs failing him from being shoved around so much. Jongin continued caressing his face, petting his hair, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his shirt and and anything else he could to make the other feel better.  _ To make himself feel better.  _ Jongin hadn't lied back then at the ice cream shop, when he had said that his friends' hurt was his as well. Ever since the two had met, Jongin had felt an almost burning need to protect his smaller, yet older, friend. He wasn't violent in the slightest - the only times he allowed himself to hurt others were doing his football matches, but as soon as tears started spilling from Taemin's shiny eyes, something came up in him; a fire started burning deep inside his stomach. 

''How'd you find me?'' Taemin managed to ask with a broken whisper. 

''You always hide in the bathroom when you're sad, and when you didn't answer my texts or calls I got worried, so I rushed over here'' Jongin answered, not once taking his eyes off his friend’s swelled face. 

''What about Allison? Did you just leave her behind?''

Jongin’s eyes widened like he has both shocked and confused at the question. Shocked because how could Taemin think about that considering the situation, and confused as to why it would matter. He scooted closer to the frail body of his friend and dragged him up into a delicate embrace. Taemin closed his eyes for just a moment, and when he opened them again his heart almost shot directly out of his chest.  _ Noses almost touching, lips under an inch apart, eyes meeting.  _ How had they suddenly gotten so close and why was it already, slowly, affecting Taemin so violently. A million thoughts raced through his head - the ability to breathe long forgotten. 

''Don't think about her. You're what's most important right now, Taemin-''

Jongin took a deep breath before continuing; almost as if what he was about to say was too hard for him to admit.

''-You're the most important person in my life''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think and don't hesitate to write if you need someone to fangirl or share memes with, I'm game ~  
> Tumblr: @wonderfully-unamused  
> Insta: @post_mortem_party

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if you liked it or not! uwu  
> Follow me/spam me with memes i need friends  
> Tumblr: chogiwakeupsheeple


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